How difficult celebrating a Father’s day without your father? How to control yourself not to envy other people who still have their father with them during Father’s day?
Celebrating Father’s Day has been a heavy reminder of my dad’s absence. I found it very difficult, at first, to relate to a Father’s Day celebration because my memories with my own dad were cut short. I don’t even know if he was able to witness the first step I’ve made and I felt like I hadn’t even begun my life journey yet.
I wish he could have been there to witness more life moments; like meeting my first boyfriend, seeing me off to prom, attending my college graduation and seeing how my career progressed. I would often brush aside these feelings of emptiness to avoid the pain of his absence. This really tested my faith. I lost my faith in him because I didn’t see him. But as the years passed, I learned something very important about cultivating a relationship with him despite his not being physically present.
I went through a heartbreaking experience when my Mother got hospitalized 2 years ago, I suddenly realize that I still have her, even though my father wasn’t here I still have my mother, I need her to be with me to the most important days of my life. My heart felt better after that. In some unexplainable way, I felt my father’s presence. I think that moment taught me that while he isn’t physically on earth to help me deal with life’s ups and downs, his spirit is still there watching over me.
We often think that when we lose someone to death, we lose that person forever. But I’ve opened my mind to keep cultivating the relationship even after death, because the people we love and who hold our hearts will always be with us. They will always be guiding us and watching out for us. Love is such a powerful emotion. My mother definitely did her best to play both roles as mother-father and provider for us.
By recognizing he is still with us no matter what, I learn to honor him. I honor his memory by living the happy life I know he would have wanted for me and by keeping him in my mind, I feel like he is looking out for me everyday.